The favorite relative AND friend of the hordes of internet shut-ins everywhere.

Ah, I didn't intend to crap on people that love cats so early in this article. I love cats too. I mean, they're jackasses, there's no doubt about that, but I do enjoy their shenanigans.

1. Sits where you don't want it to sit. Expects your help when it needs to get down.

Cats are wildcards in the most mysterious way. Like, one second a cat's sleeping on your stomach, the next it's picking a fight with the drawstring on your shorts. Why? No one really knows, but that's part of their charm.

2. Cats that sit on anything, meet cats that sit like humans.

Another thing cat owners can relate to: Cats sitting on and in random objects. It's hilarious. It's mildly irritating, especially when you have work to do and the warmth of the laptop combined with a sudden need for your affection makes work near impossible.

3. Don't move or I'll knead your neck.

But it's still hilarious. SO hilarious, how about an entire article with cats sitting on THINGS!

4. "Two more margaritas, Jerry. I had a long week."

5. They'll fall a sleep like this. But lay comfortably on your lap? Forget it.

6. I will block out the sun, human. And because I'm a cat you will not punish me in any way.

7. "I have taken the child hostage. His seat has now become my throne."

8. "Any moment, I too will birth an egg."